Hearts of Discretion
Bringing the theme of modesty full circle, readers of Lydia's post have noted the importance of setting boundaries in advance to maintain the integrity of our relationships with "other women's husbands." If we need to establish boundaries for the first time, how do we do it? How do we maintain the boundaries that we have? If we have failed in this area, what hope do we have for lasting change?
As is usually the case, when women cultivate relationships with men that presume an inappropriate level of intimacy, our behavior is almost surely a barometer of the heart. Our affections are restless. If we crave the approval of others, we may be quick to let down our guard in questionable situations. Unwholesome or unwise words for the sake of humor may reflect pride in our hearts, reflected oh-so-subtly in clever words that draw attention to ourselves. Hearts that worship the idea of unrealistic (or perhaps unbiblical) relationships may make demands of time that is not ours to claim.
Modesty is always a matter of the heart. It begins with cultivating a heart of humility before God and pursuing our satisfaction and joy in Him. Pursuing this goal means bringing our unruly minds, careless speech, and unwise use of time under the scrutiny of God's word. Do you find your thoughts lingering on a man who is not your husband (whether you are married or single)? Thoughts married with desire become food for the imagination. It's a short step from sins of the imagination to sins in speech. Are our words peppered with innuendo, no matter how slight? Do we find ourselves engaging married men in common interests to the exclusion of their wives? Have we allowed a level of spiritual intimacy with men in the name of "ministry" that defrauds the marriage relationship, either ours or theirs?
Christian love requires that we should - and must - let discretion rule our hearts and set boundaries on our lives. But what does a woman do who has failed in this area? It is never too late to seek God and plead for the grace to begin walking in the direction of modesty. His grace abounds above and beyond our sin! Out of His goodness, He has given us one another. Godly friendships with other women are so often God's way of setting us on course and helping us keep to it.
What about you? We'd love to hear how you've taken steps to set boundaries in your relationships. How have you encouraged one another in this area? Feel free to comment!
3 comments:
Wow, thank you for being real enough to admit that women might struggle with something like this. I think we can not be too careful in our interactions with other men who are not our husbands, or with other women's husbands.
I've had situations where I had a common interest or connection with someone not my husband. James 1:14-16 says "each person is tempted when he is lured and enticed by his own desire. Then desire when it has conceived gives birth to sin, and sin when it is fully grown brings forth death. Do not be deceived, brothers."
So my encouragement to women is to not let desire conceive, and to pray that we would not be taken captive by empty deceit. In other words, avoid these tempting situations like the plague because none of us are exempt from this temptation, and pray.
Boundaries that my husband and I set for our marriage: no one-on-one lunches with the opposite sex; no riding alone in cars with the opposite sex even for business purposes. I try to avoid intimate conversations where a connection might be birthed. If it starts to go that direction, I bring up the man's spouse, and talk about my husband a lot. But more than anything, I pray that God would protect our marriages. I pray that He would guard my husband's eyes/heart, and my eyes/heart, and the other man's eyes/heart.
I think this is a topic in which, if I were struggling, I'd be too afraid to reach out to a Godly friend for help, for fear of what she might think of me.
Jennifer and Lydia, I just linked to this post from my blog. This theme is so important, as are the other posts on this blog. Blessings on you both.
I'm linking my blog to yours. I hope to draw other women to your blog, it's that edifying! Keep up the good work!
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