Modesty and Other Women's Husbands

Before we stray too far from the topic of modesty, let's pause to consider the fact that modesty deals with a lot more than just our clothing. When modesty is discussed, the focus is typically on low necklines and short skirts, but what about modesty of our person? Do we stop to think about the fact that revealing too much about ourselves can be immodest too?

There is a time and place to open up and share our sin struggles and personal concerns, but with the exception of family members, the people to whom we reveal ourselves best not be other women's husbands. What about pastors? Most of our pastors are married; are we being immodest in taking our concerns to them? Certainly not; they are our God-given shepherds. However, there is a way to open up to them without foregoing this modesty of our person. It's one thing to seek our pastor's counsel, perhaps repeatedly. But there is a difference between a genuine need for his wisdom and our desire for his attention and involvement. Countless phone calls and endless emails are probably going too far. This is the point at which most pastors will redirect us elsewhere.

Modesty of our personhood is a must in the workplace. For the first time in history, women and men work side-by-side doing the same jobs, and they do so for the majority of their waking hours. This means that men in the workforce spend more time with their business colleagues than with their wives. Naturally friendships arise. Working together is a bonding experience. But all the more reason why we do well to restrain what we share about ourselves with our coworkers. The same principle applies to church committees or children's sports leagues where men and women are regularly spending time in one another's company.

"Wait a minute," we say. "We're just friends! There's nothing wrong with that." Oh, but there is. Sharing verbal intimacies with a man is the exclusive right of his wife. It takes something away from her when we focus her husband's attention onto ourselves. The best of marriages takes work, and because of that there are certainly seasons where the monotony of daily life can tempt a man (or woman) to be attracted to something or someone novel. The new and different is exciting to almost everyone, so even the most innocuous revelations about ourselves can be distracting.

And, of course, there exists the very real possibility that freindship with another woman's husband, however innocent at first, will quickly (or slowly) morph into something more. Believing in your mind that this can't happen makes the possibility of it happening even greater. "Let him who thinks he stands take heed lest he fall." Our only safety lies in the humble acknowlegement that it could indeed happen in our case. We're not above it. None of us is. I doubt that many affairs begin because a husband or wife wakes up one morning and decides out of the blue to seek out an adulterous relationship. They typically develop one conversation, one shared laugh, one lunch meeting at a time.

The modesty of personal restraint is glorifying to God and one of the best ways we can love other people.