Your Needs or Mine?

A good friend and I have a recurring joke that we've shared through the last several years - the trauma of canceled plans. We've found it to be a malady that primarily affects single women - perhaps because both of us were single - and it goes like this: we have plans, I look forward to our plans for most of the day, you cancel plans for (undoubtedly!) a legitimate reason, and I pout. What started out as a wonderful day turns into the perfect excuse for a pity party, with me as the guest of honor. Our selfish hearts can lead us very quickly down the path from disappointment to sin.

Maybe this hasn't happened to you, but it's probable that you have experienced something similar. Situations like these offer us a glimpse of what our hearts are really like and on what basis our relationships with others are founded. So often we put our hope in other people rather than in God. Instead of trusting in His sovereignty over difficult circumstances, we numb ourselves to them – or ignore them – with the expectation that others will make us feel better.

There it is. Selfishness rears its ugly head again. When we place our hope in other people, we make our friendships the servants of our own pride. At the front of our minds is always the question, “what is this relationship doing for me?” Is it any wonder that we find ourselves so often in relationships that are superficial?

What would happen if we steered a different course? Writing to the Philippian church, Paul gave this exhortation:

So if there is any encouragement in Christ, any comfort from love, any participation in the Spirit, any affection and sympathy, complete my joy by being of the same mind, having the same love, being in full accord and of one mind. Do nothing from rivalry or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others. Have this mind among yourselves, which is yours in Christ Jesus. (Phil 2:1-5)

How different our friendships would be if we adopted the self-giving, sacrificial mindset of our Savior! He poured out His life to redeem a people to be His own possession. As His women, we can pour out our lives by asking God to show us how to serve one another and then taking steps – perhaps baby steps – to act. It involves sacrifice and suffering and strength that is beyond our means. It means laying down my preferences and plans for the good of my friend. But when we adopt this mindset in our relationships, we share in the joy of our Lord and know His power at work to sustain us.