A Single Focus, Part 3 in a Series on Singleness

As we wrap up the series on singleness, it is certainly safe to say that there are moral issues impacting the state of marriage in our society and in the church. When we discuss these issues, we talk about things like selfishness and sexual immorality. What we don't talk about, or probably even recognize, is that our obsessive focus on marriage factors into what is wrong among single Christians. "Marriage is biblical," we say, and of course it is. But, quite honestly, for many of us our zeal to solve the moral issues impacting the decline of marriage and prolonged singleness has less to do with God's glory than with our primary objective--being happy.

If we consider the fact that countries in which the church is growing strongest are those undergoing persecution, can we not at least consider our unmet desires as having similar, if far less life-threatening, impact? Can we not consider our unmet desires as something God is using to mature, try, and test us? We in the West aren’t persecuted for our faith; therefore, we’d do well to thank God for the things that do distress us—even while we seek to change them—because they serve as a means of growth. The thwarting of desire is something God allows in all of our lives in one way or another to conform us to Christ, and if we compare it to the persecution others experience, we really have so much for which to be thankful.

We speak of "protracted singleness," and I must confess, I have never really been able to get onboard with that term, even though some of those whom I most respect use it frequently. Perhaps I'm missing something here. Protracted in relation to what? Marriageable age in Bible times? In our times? If the term “protracted” means delayed, isn't that implying that God had a plan that got thwarted somehow? God is either in control or he is not. We can point to societal sins all we want and name them as secondary causes, but we must remember the words of psalms: “My times are in your hands,” and “He will preserve your coming in and your going out from this time forth and forevermore,” and the words of Proverbs, which say, “Man makes his plans, but God directs his steps.”

Ultimately, secondary causes and all, we are single because it is to the glory of God that we are single. He has the power to change that. We are indeed responsible for the sins we commit that contribute to the problem, but even these are secondary causes only; the God of the universe stands behind it all, and he has the power to alter it any time he wishes.

We spend so much energy and time trying to "solve" the singleness problem. And it is right for us to examine ourselves in this matter and to mend what is amiss, and it is right for for pastors to exhort their single congregants to pursue marriage when and where doing so is God-glorifying; but for the most part, we single women can seek and pray for marriage without obsessing on the issue. Let’s get on with life already! If people such as Joni Eareckson Tada can—with joy—why can't we? Married or not, we are called to serve God and to live for his glory.

Perhaps it’s time to stop the endless discussion about how to solve our singleness and just focus on other things and other people for a while. Our obsession with getting married may be no less immoral than the factors contributing to overall marriage decline. Marriage can so easily become an idol, as if it's the institution upon which life hinges. It is not. Christ is the only hinge.